the man who lost...chapter 1 page 3

Tuesday,August 31,2004
10:30 p.m.
Hometown
Happy National Day,my dear country.47 years of freedom,47 years of independence.Free from everything and free to do everything.It was quite cloudy like it was going to rain.I woke up after a good night sleep and called upon Aunt Anne. “We’re suppose to have our breakfast with momma,right?” “Yup,but I see you sleep so tight,so I don’t want to wake you up.What time you got into bed last night?Stay up,huh?” “Around 3,I guess.Let me take my bath first,then we go.”I told Aunt Anne as I stepped into the bathroom. “Ok.”
“I have to go back tomorrow,mom.Zary needs me there,got to handle few things.”I told my mom during our breakfast. “So when are you coming back again?”She asked me while sipping her iced tea. “Don’t know,mom,during Eve,I guess.”Short and instant. “How about Amirul? You haven’t seen him recently,I assumed.”I was stucked with that question.Yeahh,it has been quite sometime since I last seeing my son.Ever since that incident,I didn’t meet him,we don’t talked to each other even on the phone.I knew he was so angry with me,I knew he was so mad with me.I knew it was all my fault,so I didn’t want to exaggerate anything. “I really miss him so much,quite frankly,but maybe I’ll see him another time,not now.”Is that a good answer?Is that a good thought from a father to his only child?Mom looked at me and say, “My dear,what ever it is,don’t ever forget him,he’s your son.Don’t make him think bad things about you.He’s still a kid though. I know I haven’t been a good parent to you,but don’t do the same thing like I did.”I was so impressed with that,after almost two years we haven’t spoken to each other,my mom said something I’d never realised she would. “Mom,past is a past,I don’t want to think about it no more, it’s not your fault,it’s my fate.Let us not talk about it,ok.”I don’t want to blame her.I think I’d rather let it go.It was something I can’t change,even my mom or my dad.Dad? Damn, our last conversation before the incident wasn’t so pleasant and it became worst,we haven’t spoken ever since.Tough time for me though.Amirul,my dad,hell,how was I supposed to think?I lit up my cigarette,and put myself in silence.I kind of ran out of words.Aunt Anne seemed to understand my situation,and she changed the topic.

Friday,July 23,2004
12:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“Oh shit.....”

to be continued.....