Thursday,February 12,2004
2:30 p.m.
Hometown
Feezy,the name suddenly appeared again in my life.A lady I knew from one wrong number I dialled a few months back.It was sometime in November,2003.A young lovely chic with a smile of an angel.Fair and sweet.She wasn’t single when I knew her back then. We went out several times during fasting season,having breakfasting dinner together.And then after the Eve,we’re kind of lost contacts.But,what more can I say,she came back.She is beautiful, I couldn’t agree more.With the shape like that,she makes me melt.I wasn’t sure how she feels about me but,I like her very much.I did have a crush on her,but then I realized I shouldn’t approached too much,moreover,she was seeing somebody else.Of course,she was.I noticed that, even anyone else,I mean,this is the new millenium,boyfriend and girfriend thing,it is pretty obvious.But I’d always put myself in the state that if their relationship didn’t work out, I’m always there,you know,a shoulder to cry on,make them walk again,or maybe I can put it this way,for replacement.I never snatched,I never grabbed anybody from anybody’s hand.I just go with the flow.It’s because everytime I had a crush on somebody,she belongs to someone else or at least she was seeing ‘em.It’s not that I’m desperate to have one,but I kind of feeling lonely once in a while.I love talking and chatting with someone,and hang out.I work ten hours a day and I need to entertain myself.Alcohol can’t really do much for me.Jack Daniel’s,Johnny Black,Red Wine,Tequila,name it.I still need somebody that I can talk to,even share anything with.But to be frank,I’ve been in a situation where there are times that I don’t really believe in love,I mean, having love relationship with someone.There were times after my separation,I don’t even believe in marriage anymore.I stopped thinking about love,stopped thinking about having somebody beside me,whereas,that were the moments I love to be alone and I did.But that doesn’t last.After a few months,I realized I need someone,or maybe more.The first girl I met that time was a young student,Es Aff.A nice conservative girl in her first year of Business Studies.She was quite naived with love relationship as she never was in one.I was her first love, but as usual,after couple of months,I screwed her up.That was actually because Belinda asked me to when she found out about it.They got really mad about it,I mean,Es Aff,of course it’s because I dumped her and Belinda because she said I lied to her.I lied to her?I didn’t quite understand what she meant but I didn’t exaggerate that time.And besides that,I think that was the start for a new relationship because a few days later I met another girl,a bootylicious,Shee.It was Sunday afternoon when I met her while she was waiting for her friend near a phone booth just beside a bus stop in the middle of downtown.She was wearing tight stonewashed denim with V-neck bodysuit.She was hot.I was driving my Honda Accord when I passed her by.When I saw her standing there,I made a U-wie and drove back to her and then,I gave her my card.After a week I received a call from her.That was the time we started dating.
Friday,November 24,2001
01:30 a.m.
Hometown-The City
“I’m still young,I’m just 18.You’re 10 years older than me.Are you ok with that?”Shee asked me after we had our supper at a cafe called The River Bank.I stared at her then I blinked my eyes and smiled. “Sweetheart,listen to me,my feelings never really care about that.Once I’ve started havin’ feelings for someone,I don’t think ‘bout anything else,whether she’s young or she’s older than me. It doesn’t really matter.What matter most for me is,whether she herself has a crush on me. So,my point is,do you feel the same like I did?”I questioned her back.She muted yet smiling,then she nodded.I smiled.
“Don’t play games with my heart, please.” She said.
I nodded.
to be continued...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 2 page 8
Thursday,February 12,2004
12:30 p.m.
Hometown-The Office
I had just finished closing a deal with a client who wanted to buy a Brabus.I was all alone in the office.I had to go to the finance company to submit a couple of loan applications for my clients’ Beemer.But I changed my mind and called my staff.
“Risz,where are you?I need you here in the office now.I want you to go to the finance office for submitions.Hurry up.”
I went out to the cafe nearby to have my meal.I thought of having Chinese food for lunch.I ordered dim sum and a bowl of mushroom soup and ice lemon tea.While having my meal,I saw Belinda’s car passed by. Shortly thereafter,she called me asking my whereabout.I told her I was having my lunch and asked her to join me,but she refused as she had had hers.Then after I’d finished,as usual,I lit up a cigarette and I went to the VIP room at a reserved corner of the cafe.I was alone in that room.I ordered a cup of Double Espresso and a blueberry cupcake.Heavy dessert.I don’t like having ice cream in the afternoon.It’s not good for health,I might say.Then,I came to think about Sue.A nice girl who lives in the east coast.I thought of ending up our relationship because I think we’re not good for each other.I mean,I wasn’t good enough for her.I’ve been thinking about the matter one whole night the night before.I picked up my cell and started dialling.
“Hi,dear” Her voice answered in the other end.
“Hi...whatcha doin’?”
“Emm... nothing much,just got back class.I was resting actually.Had your lunch?”
“Just.You?”
“Shortly. Why your voice sounds wierd?Anything wrong?”
She kind of feeling something when she asked me the question.
“To be frank,yes there is.Sue, I’m leaving you.I’m sorry to say this but that’s what I’ve decided.You’re a good person but I’m not.I’m not in your league.I don’t have that kind of heart that you’re thinking I have.I screwed you up before and I’ll screw you up again.I don’t want that to happen.I don’t want to break your heart again and again and then say I’m sorry.It’s better off this way,we split.I know there a lot of better guys out there that fit you,a kind-hearted man who can treat you better,who can love you better.I know we’ve been together for 9 fabulous months,but I can’t pretend to be the guy I’m actually not.I tried to be how you wanted me to be,but as you know me,I live in my own rules.Yes,I do love you so much,and by any chance if possible,I don’t wanna break your heart,but this is what I’ve got to do.I’m not asking for forgiveness but I have to say this,I’m trully sorry...”
I could hear she cries.
“Bob,are you saying that all those time you were pretending, pretending you love me,pretending you need me, pretending you miss me,pretending you can’t live without me?Is that our relationship are all about?Pretendings?”
She was sobbing.
“No,I wasn’t.I love you and it’s true.What I was trying to say is,I don’t wanna pretend to be the man I don’t want to.We are 3 hours apart,you’re up there, I’m down here,you wouldn’t know if I go out or seeing someone else.I know you wouldn’t do it, but I did.I screwed you up so many times in so many situations but you only knew one of it. Hell, you didn’t deserve it.”
I explained.She was still sobbing.I took a sip of the coffee.
“I wasn’t sure if this is the best decision for us,but I’ve to stick with it as that’s what I’ve decided.I’m not proud of it but I have my principles.I love you,and I still do. Trust me on that.But I just can’t go on with our relationship.I hope you understand that I’m chosing not to be with you and I need you to respect that decision.I’m sorry again.”
“Bob,if that is what you’ve decided,what can I say,one way or another,I still have to accept it.You’ve once told me that I shouldn’t lowered myself to a man.So,I think this is the best and suitable time to do so. But,there’s one thing I wanna to ask you,can we still be friends?”She asked me,still sobbing.
“Of course we can.I never want us to have any kind of complications whatsoever.We are gonna be friends forever, ok.”
I answered.
“Sue,you just take care of yourself,be good,be who you are.I will always remember you as a person who’s once happened to be a part of my life.”
“Bob,I hope you’ll do the same.I’ll always remember you to.Promise me to keep in touch.”
“I will.Bye.”
“Bye.”
So,I ended it.That was actually the best thing for her,not for me.I finished my lunch with a sad feelings.I stared at the coffee table in front of me and tried to think deeply about what I’d just did.I went back to my office to continue my work.There were a few customers waiting for me and Belinda was attending them.
“Can you continue please?” She asked me and I smiled, “Ok.”
I’d closed another two deals.I was quite happy with it.
“Wow,you’ve done great today.”
“Emm, whatever.”I grabbed my car keys and went out.
“I’m going to the R&V.I’ll be back at 3.Ask Risz to prepare the loan agreement for the the latest two.The calculation is on my table.And one more thing,please keep the documents once Risz return them to you.They are for the BMWs’.”
“Ok,drive safe.”
“I will”,and I went off.I brought along some files to be submitted to the R&V.I knew a few officers there pretty well,they might help to me to process ‘em faster.My cell rang.
“Hello.”
“Hi Bob,still remember me?”
“Sorry,I don’t.Who’s this?”
...to be continued...
12:30 p.m.
Hometown-The Office
I had just finished closing a deal with a client who wanted to buy a Brabus.I was all alone in the office.I had to go to the finance company to submit a couple of loan applications for my clients’ Beemer.But I changed my mind and called my staff.
“Risz,where are you?I need you here in the office now.I want you to go to the finance office for submitions.Hurry up.”
I went out to the cafe nearby to have my meal.I thought of having Chinese food for lunch.I ordered dim sum and a bowl of mushroom soup and ice lemon tea.While having my meal,I saw Belinda’s car passed by. Shortly thereafter,she called me asking my whereabout.I told her I was having my lunch and asked her to join me,but she refused as she had had hers.Then after I’d finished,as usual,I lit up a cigarette and I went to the VIP room at a reserved corner of the cafe.I was alone in that room.I ordered a cup of Double Espresso and a blueberry cupcake.Heavy dessert.I don’t like having ice cream in the afternoon.It’s not good for health,I might say.Then,I came to think about Sue.A nice girl who lives in the east coast.I thought of ending up our relationship because I think we’re not good for each other.I mean,I wasn’t good enough for her.I’ve been thinking about the matter one whole night the night before.I picked up my cell and started dialling.
“Hi,dear” Her voice answered in the other end.
“Hi...whatcha doin’?”
“Emm... nothing much,just got back class.I was resting actually.Had your lunch?”
“Just.You?”
“Shortly. Why your voice sounds wierd?Anything wrong?”
She kind of feeling something when she asked me the question.
“To be frank,yes there is.Sue, I’m leaving you.I’m sorry to say this but that’s what I’ve decided.You’re a good person but I’m not.I’m not in your league.I don’t have that kind of heart that you’re thinking I have.I screwed you up before and I’ll screw you up again.I don’t want that to happen.I don’t want to break your heart again and again and then say I’m sorry.It’s better off this way,we split.I know there a lot of better guys out there that fit you,a kind-hearted man who can treat you better,who can love you better.I know we’ve been together for 9 fabulous months,but I can’t pretend to be the guy I’m actually not.I tried to be how you wanted me to be,but as you know me,I live in my own rules.Yes,I do love you so much,and by any chance if possible,I don’t wanna break your heart,but this is what I’ve got to do.I’m not asking for forgiveness but I have to say this,I’m trully sorry...”
I could hear she cries.
“Bob,are you saying that all those time you were pretending, pretending you love me,pretending you need me, pretending you miss me,pretending you can’t live without me?Is that our relationship are all about?Pretendings?”
She was sobbing.
“No,I wasn’t.I love you and it’s true.What I was trying to say is,I don’t wanna pretend to be the man I don’t want to.We are 3 hours apart,you’re up there, I’m down here,you wouldn’t know if I go out or seeing someone else.I know you wouldn’t do it, but I did.I screwed you up so many times in so many situations but you only knew one of it. Hell, you didn’t deserve it.”
I explained.She was still sobbing.I took a sip of the coffee.
“I wasn’t sure if this is the best decision for us,but I’ve to stick with it as that’s what I’ve decided.I’m not proud of it but I have my principles.I love you,and I still do. Trust me on that.But I just can’t go on with our relationship.I hope you understand that I’m chosing not to be with you and I need you to respect that decision.I’m sorry again.”
“Bob,if that is what you’ve decided,what can I say,one way or another,I still have to accept it.You’ve once told me that I shouldn’t lowered myself to a man.So,I think this is the best and suitable time to do so. But,there’s one thing I wanna to ask you,can we still be friends?”She asked me,still sobbing.
“Of course we can.I never want us to have any kind of complications whatsoever.We are gonna be friends forever, ok.”
I answered.
“Sue,you just take care of yourself,be good,be who you are.I will always remember you as a person who’s once happened to be a part of my life.”
“Bob,I hope you’ll do the same.I’ll always remember you to.Promise me to keep in touch.”
“I will.Bye.”
“Bye.”
So,I ended it.That was actually the best thing for her,not for me.I finished my lunch with a sad feelings.I stared at the coffee table in front of me and tried to think deeply about what I’d just did.I went back to my office to continue my work.There were a few customers waiting for me and Belinda was attending them.
“Can you continue please?” She asked me and I smiled, “Ok.”
I’d closed another two deals.I was quite happy with it.
“Wow,you’ve done great today.”
“Emm, whatever.”I grabbed my car keys and went out.
“I’m going to the R&V.I’ll be back at 3.Ask Risz to prepare the loan agreement for the the latest two.The calculation is on my table.And one more thing,please keep the documents once Risz return them to you.They are for the BMWs’.”
“Ok,drive safe.”
“I will”,and I went off.I brought along some files to be submitted to the R&V.I knew a few officers there pretty well,they might help to me to process ‘em faster.My cell rang.
“Hello.”
“Hi Bob,still remember me?”
“Sorry,I don’t.Who’s this?”
...to be continued...
Monday, March 22, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 2 page 7
Friday,July 23,2004
17:00 p.m.
Deejay Sam’s Resident
“You have to run away,bro,you really have to.I won’t let you go and meet those bastards again.Come on,don’t be ridiculous.I can’t help you in other way,I’m suggesting you run away, disappear. Those SOBs will do worst than this if you don’t give them what they need,unless you have it. Just leave town,go somewhere else.The Big City would be fine.You have families and buddies there right?Just go.”Sam adviced me.
“Yeahh Bob,Sam’s right.I think you better run away,no point facing those pigs if you’ve got nothing to pay them with.I can’t help you either,I haven’t got that much money...I wish I had."
Kai,my friend who fetched me from my office and brought me to Sam’s house,added.
“Have you asked Vincent if he could help you?” Sam asked.
“I don’t wanna drag him into this.I’ll clear this up on my own.Thanks anyway.”I replied.
My nose was still bleeding.I wiped it with my handky.
“Kai,send me to my uncle’s place,would you?I figure it out from there.”
“Ok.”
“By the way Sam,I’ll keep you posted.I’ll call you if there's anything.You’re right,I guess I just have to dissapear for a while till I figure out the way to settle the thing down.Shall we go,Kai?”
“Ok,let’s go.”
“Take care, bro.See you when I see you.” Sammy shaked my hand and hugged me.
“Yeahh,you too.See ya.I’ll call you.”
I hugged him back and got into Kai’s car.I put myself in silence when Kai was driving me to my uncle’s house at 24,Asean Park.The swells was still aching.
“Kai,I’m sorry to put you into trouble.”
“What the hell are you saying,man?We are friends,aren’t we?C’mon Bob,don’t be absurd.”He said.I zipped.
Zary and his staffs were there at my uncle’s when I arrived.
“Thanks bro,I owe you one.See ya.” I said to Kai.
“Don’t mention that.Take care.See ya.”He replied and leave.
I strolled down to the driveway and they were looking at me,and the bruises of course.
“What in the world exactly happening to you?”Zary started asking me as I sat down on the wooden bench in the garden.
“I caught myself into a fight this afternoon.”
“And that was happening,why....?”
“I owe them money and I couldn’t pay them back as I was supposed to..”
“So,when are you going to pay them?Have you got the money now?”
“Not yet.I might be leaving with you tomorrow.May I?”
“You wanna leave with us?Have you lodge a police report?I think you should though.We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. If you wanna come along,suit yourself then.”
After having our dinner,we went straight back home.Those injuries were still aching but I just ignored it.My mind was strolling somewhere else,I didn’t really knew what.I had something in my mind about what was going on and what I should really do.Damn,it was my darkest hour.
“Have you figure out anything?What are you gonna do?Run away or something,bro?”Zary asked me.
“Disappear for a while,I guess.Those bastards won’t have any mercy on me, just look what they did to me.”
“It was your fault bro,why didn’t you think of it at the first place?”
“Yeahh,I couldn’t say I won’t agree with you.”
“Why don’t you fought them back?”Jatt,Zary’s staff asked me.
“They were three of them and I didn’t intend to. It was my fault,so I guess I just let them do whatever it is.I’ve played them so many times,I just had to take the punishment,though. Nevermind,I still alive though..”I replied.
“That was the stupidest statement I’ve ever heard from you,damn it.”Zary crossed.
I stupefied,overwhelmed. Everybody in the SUV fell into silent.Zary looked at me and said,
“I’m sorry bro,I kinda got carried away.I didn’t mean to...”I blinked.Nodded.
We reached home at about 9:00 p.m. Aunt Anne wasn’t home at that time.I boiled some water and took my bath.Zary and his staffs,Jatt,Shaffe and Dee took their rest whilst watching t.v. After taking my bath and got dressed I took the hot water and out it into a plain thick bowl and dunk a piece of plain napkin in it.I applied the cloth onto my suffered bruises and the swollen part.After rubbing a few minutes I dunk it again and repeat the dipping.After a while,when the water got less hot,I stopped.I went upstairs and joined the guys.Shortly thereafter,Aunt Anne came home. She came back from attending her friend’s feast.
“Zary,where’s Bob?”She asked Zary from the kitchen as she didn’t see me around.
“I’m here upstairs in front of the tv.”I replied.She went to her room and I followed.I knew she was going to ask me about what happened.I was prepared though.
“So,what the...”
“It was my fault,frankly.This was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve lost in gambling,so,this is the consequences.”
I told Aunt Anne as I crossed her before she got to finished her question.
“Don’t you have enough of everything? What were you trying to pull?What were you thinking?I thought you’re going to get your five hundred grand,aren’t you? So,why in hell are you doing that for?”She continued asking.
“I don’t know,I just got naived,I guess.I know I was wrong.My financial situation has gone pretty bad lately.My account is still on hold,my assets is freezed at the moment.Then I lost in a few stupid gamblings.I went to make a deal with those jerks,but unfortunately,I can’t cover it up. So,here I am with a black eye.”I explained.I looked down to the carpet as I can’t look her in her face.
“Ok,now,what then?”
“I thought of to disappear for a while.I guess it’s better off that way.I’m leaving with Zary tomorrow.Just let me handle it,ok.”
“Fine,just do whatever you have to do.But remember,you’re in big mess now,don’t start another one.Don’t solve a problem by creating another,you’re far better than that.Where are you going to stay?”
“At my friend’s of course.I won’t stay at Zary’s,I don’t want Aunt Kaymie and Uncle Lipps know about this.And please don’t tell anyone. I will call you if there’s anything.”I said.
“Did Marina knows about this?” “Not yet,but I will tell her if I meet her.She ought to know `bout this.”
“Ok.By the way,have you report it to the police?”
“Not yet.Should I?”
“Of course you should.You have a lot of police friends ,right? Why don’t you tell them?”
“In fact,I don’t want to,but I’ll think of it.Anyway aunt,I’m sorry for what happened.”
“You have to be.Just don’t do it again,ever!” I nodded and got out of her room and went to the living room.
After a while,Aunt Anne served us Black Squirrels,black coffee with a strong aroma.I lit up a cigarette and sat silent.I was still feeling bad about what happened the evening before.I just can’t stop thinking about it.What am I suppose to tell Effa about it?I pick up the phone and dialled Effa’s.
“Hello...”Her voice answered in the other end. “Honey,it’s me,I’ll be coming to your place tomorrow,maybe afternoon.”
“Ok,dear.I’ll be waiting.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, love ya.”
“Love ya too.”I hung up.
“Bro,are you sure you wanna come with us?”Zary asked me.
“Yup,I’m damn sure.”
“Ok,but make a police report first,ok.”
“I’ll think of it.” Then,I went to bed.
17:00 p.m.
Deejay Sam’s Resident
“You have to run away,bro,you really have to.I won’t let you go and meet those bastards again.Come on,don’t be ridiculous.I can’t help you in other way,I’m suggesting you run away, disappear. Those SOBs will do worst than this if you don’t give them what they need,unless you have it. Just leave town,go somewhere else.The Big City would be fine.You have families and buddies there right?Just go.”Sam adviced me.
“Yeahh Bob,Sam’s right.I think you better run away,no point facing those pigs if you’ve got nothing to pay them with.I can’t help you either,I haven’t got that much money...I wish I had."
Kai,my friend who fetched me from my office and brought me to Sam’s house,added.
“Have you asked Vincent if he could help you?” Sam asked.
“I don’t wanna drag him into this.I’ll clear this up on my own.Thanks anyway.”I replied.
My nose was still bleeding.I wiped it with my handky.
“Kai,send me to my uncle’s place,would you?I figure it out from there.”
“Ok.”
“By the way Sam,I’ll keep you posted.I’ll call you if there's anything.You’re right,I guess I just have to dissapear for a while till I figure out the way to settle the thing down.Shall we go,Kai?”
“Ok,let’s go.”
“Take care, bro.See you when I see you.” Sammy shaked my hand and hugged me.
“Yeahh,you too.See ya.I’ll call you.”
I hugged him back and got into Kai’s car.I put myself in silence when Kai was driving me to my uncle’s house at 24,Asean Park.The swells was still aching.
“Kai,I’m sorry to put you into trouble.”
“What the hell are you saying,man?We are friends,aren’t we?C’mon Bob,don’t be absurd.”He said.I zipped.
Zary and his staffs were there at my uncle’s when I arrived.
“Thanks bro,I owe you one.See ya.” I said to Kai.
“Don’t mention that.Take care.See ya.”He replied and leave.
I strolled down to the driveway and they were looking at me,and the bruises of course.
“What in the world exactly happening to you?”Zary started asking me as I sat down on the wooden bench in the garden.
“I caught myself into a fight this afternoon.”
“And that was happening,why....?”
“I owe them money and I couldn’t pay them back as I was supposed to..”
“So,when are you going to pay them?Have you got the money now?”
“Not yet.I might be leaving with you tomorrow.May I?”
“You wanna leave with us?Have you lodge a police report?I think you should though.We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. If you wanna come along,suit yourself then.”
After having our dinner,we went straight back home.Those injuries were still aching but I just ignored it.My mind was strolling somewhere else,I didn’t really knew what.I had something in my mind about what was going on and what I should really do.Damn,it was my darkest hour.
“Have you figure out anything?What are you gonna do?Run away or something,bro?”Zary asked me.
“Disappear for a while,I guess.Those bastards won’t have any mercy on me, just look what they did to me.”
“It was your fault bro,why didn’t you think of it at the first place?”
“Yeahh,I couldn’t say I won’t agree with you.”
“Why don’t you fought them back?”Jatt,Zary’s staff asked me.
“They were three of them and I didn’t intend to. It was my fault,so I guess I just let them do whatever it is.I’ve played them so many times,I just had to take the punishment,though. Nevermind,I still alive though..”I replied.
“That was the stupidest statement I’ve ever heard from you,damn it.”Zary crossed.
I stupefied,overwhelmed. Everybody in the SUV fell into silent.Zary looked at me and said,
“I’m sorry bro,I kinda got carried away.I didn’t mean to...”I blinked.Nodded.
We reached home at about 9:00 p.m. Aunt Anne wasn’t home at that time.I boiled some water and took my bath.Zary and his staffs,Jatt,Shaffe and Dee took their rest whilst watching t.v. After taking my bath and got dressed I took the hot water and out it into a plain thick bowl and dunk a piece of plain napkin in it.I applied the cloth onto my suffered bruises and the swollen part.After rubbing a few minutes I dunk it again and repeat the dipping.After a while,when the water got less hot,I stopped.I went upstairs and joined the guys.Shortly thereafter,Aunt Anne came home. She came back from attending her friend’s feast.
“Zary,where’s Bob?”She asked Zary from the kitchen as she didn’t see me around.
“I’m here upstairs in front of the tv.”I replied.She went to her room and I followed.I knew she was going to ask me about what happened.I was prepared though.
“So,what the...”
“It was my fault,frankly.This was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve lost in gambling,so,this is the consequences.”
I told Aunt Anne as I crossed her before she got to finished her question.
“Don’t you have enough of everything? What were you trying to pull?What were you thinking?I thought you’re going to get your five hundred grand,aren’t you? So,why in hell are you doing that for?”She continued asking.
“I don’t know,I just got naived,I guess.I know I was wrong.My financial situation has gone pretty bad lately.My account is still on hold,my assets is freezed at the moment.Then I lost in a few stupid gamblings.I went to make a deal with those jerks,but unfortunately,I can’t cover it up. So,here I am with a black eye.”I explained.I looked down to the carpet as I can’t look her in her face.
“Ok,now,what then?”
“I thought of to disappear for a while.I guess it’s better off that way.I’m leaving with Zary tomorrow.Just let me handle it,ok.”
“Fine,just do whatever you have to do.But remember,you’re in big mess now,don’t start another one.Don’t solve a problem by creating another,you’re far better than that.Where are you going to stay?”
“At my friend’s of course.I won’t stay at Zary’s,I don’t want Aunt Kaymie and Uncle Lipps know about this.And please don’t tell anyone. I will call you if there’s anything.”I said.
“Did Marina knows about this?” “Not yet,but I will tell her if I meet her.She ought to know `bout this.”
“Ok.By the way,have you report it to the police?”
“Not yet.Should I?”
“Of course you should.You have a lot of police friends ,right? Why don’t you tell them?”
“In fact,I don’t want to,but I’ll think of it.Anyway aunt,I’m sorry for what happened.”
“You have to be.Just don’t do it again,ever!” I nodded and got out of her room and went to the living room.
After a while,Aunt Anne served us Black Squirrels,black coffee with a strong aroma.I lit up a cigarette and sat silent.I was still feeling bad about what happened the evening before.I just can’t stop thinking about it.What am I suppose to tell Effa about it?I pick up the phone and dialled Effa’s.
“Hello...”Her voice answered in the other end. “Honey,it’s me,I’ll be coming to your place tomorrow,maybe afternoon.”
“Ok,dear.I’ll be waiting.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, love ya.”
“Love ya too.”I hung up.
“Bro,are you sure you wanna come with us?”Zary asked me.
“Yup,I’m damn sure.”
“Ok,but make a police report first,ok.”
“I’ll think of it.” Then,I went to bed.
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 6
Saturday,August 28,2004
21:50 p.m.
Hometown
“She asked for that?What’s up between both of you?She’s seeing someone else?She knows ‘bout Michelle and Gee?Are the two of you still friends?”
Aunt Anne asked me when I told her Effa.
‘Yeahh,maybe she’s not ready for further commitment,I guess,and of course we’re still friends.(I guess...)I don’t think she knows ‘bout Michelle nor Gee, I’ve never told her ‘bout them.Nevermind ‘bout that,Aunt Anne,what can I say if she didn’t want me anymore..”
I said in quite a deep voice.
“Hey c’mon,you’re a big man,Bob,I know you’re even better than this,Effa’s still young,just let her go,who knows,maybe one day she’ll come back to you.There are a lot of women out there who are still single,you might find one.She might be better than Effa,she may also be even better than the others that you’re with right now.Just hangin’ there,ok.”
As usual,Aunt Anne with the best thing she always had,the words of wisdom.
“Yeahh,you’re right.I’m holding up pretty well,I’m ok.But to be frank,I still have feelings for her,I do and I still love her.”
I told Aunt Anne about it because I knew she could understand my feelings because she’s like a mother to me.She’s the one who’d been helping my late grandfather raising me up.
“And frankly,I still want her to come back,if only it’s possible.But whatever it is,it has been said and done.I just have to go on with my life.”
Thursday,September 16,2004
10:00 a.m.
Office
“E.....I know we haven’t spoken for quite sometimes and our last conversation wasn’t quite pleasant,but stop being mad with me and start being friends again....” Then I sent the message.
It has been twenty days since she dumped me.The night before I had a dream about Effa.I didn’t really know why,but it was just a dream I guess.And I knew she was trying to avoid from talking to me even she’d once said she didn’t want us to be like enemy.That was why I just sent her message,I didn’t call her even though I wanted to.I switched on my computer and my note book. I’ve got to be prepared as I have some appointments to attend.
“Hey Bobby,what’s up bro?” Shaffe said.
“Emm,nothing much.Quite sleepy today though.I couldn’t sleep well last night.”I replied.
“Oh really?Me too,I got back late,somewhere at 4.Zouk was quite happening last night,you know Ladies Night.My,my...the chics were fabulous bro.I met one sexy chic,she was awesome.”
“God bless you,dude.”I laughed.
“Hey, you should check it out,you haven’t been goin’ out lately,c’mon,how about this Friday night?Saturday night maybe?”
“I don’t think so.I’ve got to keep it low for a while.I need to have enough rest,maybe some other time.Hey,had your breakfast already?”
“Not yet.Come.Zary,are you coming?”
“I’ll be there in a minute,you guys just go first.”
21:50 p.m.
Hometown
“She asked for that?What’s up between both of you?She’s seeing someone else?She knows ‘bout Michelle and Gee?Are the two of you still friends?”
Aunt Anne asked me when I told her Effa.
‘Yeahh,maybe she’s not ready for further commitment,I guess,and of course we’re still friends.(I guess...)I don’t think she knows ‘bout Michelle nor Gee, I’ve never told her ‘bout them.Nevermind ‘bout that,Aunt Anne,what can I say if she didn’t want me anymore..”
I said in quite a deep voice.
“Hey c’mon,you’re a big man,Bob,I know you’re even better than this,Effa’s still young,just let her go,who knows,maybe one day she’ll come back to you.There are a lot of women out there who are still single,you might find one.She might be better than Effa,she may also be even better than the others that you’re with right now.Just hangin’ there,ok.”
As usual,Aunt Anne with the best thing she always had,the words of wisdom.
“Yeahh,you’re right.I’m holding up pretty well,I’m ok.But to be frank,I still have feelings for her,I do and I still love her.”
I told Aunt Anne about it because I knew she could understand my feelings because she’s like a mother to me.She’s the one who’d been helping my late grandfather raising me up.
“And frankly,I still want her to come back,if only it’s possible.But whatever it is,it has been said and done.I just have to go on with my life.”
Thursday,September 16,2004
10:00 a.m.
Office
“E.....I know we haven’t spoken for quite sometimes and our last conversation wasn’t quite pleasant,but stop being mad with me and start being friends again....” Then I sent the message.
It has been twenty days since she dumped me.The night before I had a dream about Effa.I didn’t really know why,but it was just a dream I guess.And I knew she was trying to avoid from talking to me even she’d once said she didn’t want us to be like enemy.That was why I just sent her message,I didn’t call her even though I wanted to.I switched on my computer and my note book. I’ve got to be prepared as I have some appointments to attend.
“Hey Bobby,what’s up bro?” Shaffe said.
“Emm,nothing much.Quite sleepy today though.I couldn’t sleep well last night.”I replied.
“Oh really?Me too,I got back late,somewhere at 4.Zouk was quite happening last night,you know Ladies Night.My,my...the chics were fabulous bro.I met one sexy chic,she was awesome.”
“God bless you,dude.”I laughed.
“Hey, you should check it out,you haven’t been goin’ out lately,c’mon,how about this Friday night?Saturday night maybe?”
“I don’t think so.I’ve got to keep it low for a while.I need to have enough rest,maybe some other time.Hey,had your breakfast already?”
“Not yet.Come.Zary,are you coming?”
“I’ll be there in a minute,you guys just go first.”
Sunday, March 14, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 6
Tuesday,July 13,2004
14:30 p.m.
The Deal
I wasn’t sure if I was making a good decision.I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted to do.I drove my car heading downtown.I was supposed to meet a few people down there.While driving I kept on thinking whether I should continue with what I’ve planned. “Just do it,then figure out the way to settle it.There must be a way,I’m sure.”I told myself and drove my car straight to the deal rendezvous.The people were there waiting for me when reached the place.I parked my car at the side of a Chinese restaurant then I walked towards them,yet I was still thinking if I should went on with the plan. “Hey,come,have a drink first,then we talk.”Tyco,the name I used to call him, said to me while waving his hand to me.I smiled and replied, “Ok.”
14:30 p.m.
The Deal
I wasn’t sure if I was making a good decision.I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted to do.I drove my car heading downtown.I was supposed to meet a few people down there.While driving I kept on thinking whether I should continue with what I’ve planned. “Just do it,then figure out the way to settle it.There must be a way,I’m sure.”I told myself and drove my car straight to the deal rendezvous.The people were there waiting for me when reached the place.I parked my car at the side of a Chinese restaurant then I walked towards them,yet I was still thinking if I should went on with the plan. “Hey,come,have a drink first,then we talk.”Tyco,the name I used to call him, said to me while waving his hand to me.I smiled and replied, “Ok.”
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 5
Saturday,July 24,2004
18:30 p.m.
Effa’s Resident
“Honey,I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’m a bad person.I’m sorry.It’s ok if you don’t want me to be here.I can stay at my friend’s.”I said to Effa as I was changing my clothes. “Have I mentioned that?Don’t be ridiculous,dear.Let me see it.”,she replied as she looked at my bruises. “Tell me what happened.”
00:30 a.m.
“I’m goin’ down for a while,want anything?” Effa asked me as she puts on her top. “Nope.But maybe ice nescafe would be fine.”I replied.“That’s all?Anything to eat?”,she continued.“I’ve eaten already this evening with my brother before I came here.”“Ok,I’m not gonna be long.If you want to get a nap,go head,I’ll wake you up when I’m back..See you.” She kissed me and left.I just had my bath actually,I put on my short pants and Jack Daniel black T-shirt.I looked in the mirror,the bruises still there but was healing.Looked a little bit better after Effa put some ointment on it.I switched on the radio on the bedside table listened to my favourite channel,Hitz.fm.Serena C was in the house.She played ``The Reason’’ by Hoobastank.I took out a novel from my bag,a novel written by Tom Clancy,The Netforce-Hidden Agenda.I went through page by page then I fell asleep.
01:45 a.m.
“Darling,wake up.Here’s your drinks.”Effa woke me up in a slow tone.I opened my eyes and saw her face smiling at me. “Emmphh,what time is it?I dozed off while reading my book.So sleepy.” I said while getting off the bed. “It’s 01:45,drink it first,then continue your sleep.’’She replied. “Nevermind,I want to wash my face.Had your supper?” “Yup.”And I went to the bathroom. “Hi,Bob,are you ok?”Sarah,Effa’s housemate,passed over me. “Yeahh,I’m fine.”I replied,shortly. “I heard what happened,are you sure you’re ok, Effa was quite anxious about it when she told me what happened.”She continued. “Yeahh,really,I’m fine.It’s just a small matter.”I kind of trying to convince her.I wasn’t sure if it was necessary.“Ok.Good night then.” “Good night.”,and she went straight to her room and I went to the bath room.Effa was brushing her layoured-black-hair when I entered her room.She’d changed to her silk nighties. “You look beautiful,dear.”I said. “Thanks.” “The bruise still aching?Want to put some more ointment?”She asked me while I was wiping my face. “No,it’s ok, thanks anyway.I’ll put it tomorrow.”I answered. “I think you’d better go and see the doctor. See if there’s anything worse beside the bruises.I’ll come with you.I’m free tomorrow.What do you say?We go,ok?” “I don’t think so.As I said,I’m ok,I’ll go if I think it’s necessary,ok.”I replied although I knew it wasn’t a good answer,for Effa,especially. “Honey,don’t be stubborn, the bruises and the swellings look really bad.Just go,please.” “No,dear,I’m ok,I’ll go if it goes bad, ok?I promise.”I tried to convince her. “Ok,suit yourself.Just let me know if you change your mind.But at least,let me put some ointment on it now.Come here.”,she insisted.I sat beside her on the bed and she started wiping the ointment on the bruises on my left side face.“Honey,would you promise me something?”She asked.“What is it?” I replied. “Promise me you won’t do it again?Promise me you’ll stop doing those things? Would you?” “I promise.”Short and instant.She smiled and kissed my lips. “I have your word now,so keep it.” “I will.I promise to be better.I promise I’ll stop doing those things, I know it wasn’t good.I admit it was my mistake,ok,so,I promise,I’ll be good.”She smiled again. “I love you.”
18:30 p.m.
Effa’s Resident
“Honey,I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’m a bad person.I’m sorry.It’s ok if you don’t want me to be here.I can stay at my friend’s.”I said to Effa as I was changing my clothes. “Have I mentioned that?Don’t be ridiculous,dear.Let me see it.”,she replied as she looked at my bruises. “Tell me what happened.”
00:30 a.m.
“I’m goin’ down for a while,want anything?” Effa asked me as she puts on her top. “Nope.But maybe ice nescafe would be fine.”I replied.“That’s all?Anything to eat?”,she continued.“I’ve eaten already this evening with my brother before I came here.”“Ok,I’m not gonna be long.If you want to get a nap,go head,I’ll wake you up when I’m back..See you.” She kissed me and left.I just had my bath actually,I put on my short pants and Jack Daniel black T-shirt.I looked in the mirror,the bruises still there but was healing.Looked a little bit better after Effa put some ointment on it.I switched on the radio on the bedside table listened to my favourite channel,Hitz.fm.Serena C was in the house.She played ``The Reason’’ by Hoobastank.I took out a novel from my bag,a novel written by Tom Clancy,The Netforce-Hidden Agenda.I went through page by page then I fell asleep.
01:45 a.m.
“Darling,wake up.Here’s your drinks.”Effa woke me up in a slow tone.I opened my eyes and saw her face smiling at me. “Emmphh,what time is it?I dozed off while reading my book.So sleepy.” I said while getting off the bed. “It’s 01:45,drink it first,then continue your sleep.’’She replied. “Nevermind,I want to wash my face.Had your supper?” “Yup.”And I went to the bathroom. “Hi,Bob,are you ok?”Sarah,Effa’s housemate,passed over me. “Yeahh,I’m fine.”I replied,shortly. “I heard what happened,are you sure you’re ok, Effa was quite anxious about it when she told me what happened.”She continued. “Yeahh,really,I’m fine.It’s just a small matter.”I kind of trying to convince her.I wasn’t sure if it was necessary.“Ok.Good night then.” “Good night.”,and she went straight to her room and I went to the bath room.Effa was brushing her layoured-black-hair when I entered her room.She’d changed to her silk nighties. “You look beautiful,dear.”I said. “Thanks.” “The bruise still aching?Want to put some more ointment?”She asked me while I was wiping my face. “No,it’s ok, thanks anyway.I’ll put it tomorrow.”I answered. “I think you’d better go and see the doctor. See if there’s anything worse beside the bruises.I’ll come with you.I’m free tomorrow.What do you say?We go,ok?” “I don’t think so.As I said,I’m ok,I’ll go if I think it’s necessary,ok.”I replied although I knew it wasn’t a good answer,for Effa,especially. “Honey,don’t be stubborn, the bruises and the swellings look really bad.Just go,please.” “No,dear,I’m ok,I’ll go if it goes bad, ok?I promise.”I tried to convince her. “Ok,suit yourself.Just let me know if you change your mind.But at least,let me put some ointment on it now.Come here.”,she insisted.I sat beside her on the bed and she started wiping the ointment on the bruises on my left side face.“Honey,would you promise me something?”She asked.“What is it?” I replied. “Promise me you won’t do it again?Promise me you’ll stop doing those things? Would you?” “I promise.”Short and instant.She smiled and kissed my lips. “I have your word now,so keep it.” “I will.I promise to be better.I promise I’ll stop doing those things, I know it wasn’t good.I admit it was my mistake,ok,so,I promise,I’ll be good.”She smiled again. “I love you.”
Monday, March 8, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 4
Friday,July 23,2004
3:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“What the.....How could this happened to you?” Belinda asked me in shock when she picked me up at The Parade. “Who did this to you?Why?”,she continued as I got into the car.I didn’t answer her as I was still baring the pain.“Bob,you hear me or not?I’m asking you a question,damn it.”She kept asking as she noticed I wasn’t responding. “Please,just drive the car, I’ll tell you later,ok.”I replied in a deep voice. “Dear,look,I don’t know what the hell has just happened to you and how could it be happened,but what I want you to do is,stop doing stupid things,ok,just stop,alright.You’ve been doing crazy stuffs,put yourself in mess,taking risks,hell,I don’t know how to put it,but,just look at you.Is this what you’ve been looking for? C’mon dear, you’re a lot better than this.I know you are.We used to be together back then,so don’t tell me I don’t know you.What should I tell Amirul if he knew about this?Damn it!!”She expressed. “Ok,I’m sorry,but this doesn’t have anything to do with you,or Amirul,this is just about me and those jerks.And thanks for coming over.”I replied. “Is that all you could say?Is that an explaination?What kind of explaination was that?So,that’s all,huh?” “It’s not like that,as I said,I’ll explain to you later,ok,please,just drive.I can’t stand the pain anymore,I need to wash this blood in my nose,ok.” “Fair enough, suit yourself.” She responded synicaly.The road was quite congested as we enter the downtown area.I was still trying to rub the blood off of my nose and the swells were still aching.The traffic became worse.I was thinking about the incident that has just happened when she suddenly yelled, “Stupid idiot! Don’t you know how to drive better?”I was shocked with that. “C’mon,just be patient,ok.You don’t have to rush.You know the traffic is always like this at this time,don’t you?”I tried to calm her down even I knew she did that because there was something in her mind she wanted to say, and it had something connected to me. “Don’t tell me what to do,even you yourself don’t know what the hell you are doing.”There it was.I knew it because she used to be my wife three years ago. “Ok, stop moaning alright.I know this is my fault.I know this is my mistake.So,please,could you just drop it for a while and just focus on the road?I told you right,I’ll explain to you later in the office.Blame me all you want,but,please,just drop it for a while.”I replied,still in a deep tone as my jaw can’t really moved well. “Same old,same old.You are always like this,of course that was your mistake,no doubt,but you’ve never learn.You never learn the fact that you got to change to be a better man,or at least,not being stupid by doing stupid things.I can see it from the bruises, the swellings,the blood in your nose, you have just ruined your life again.I don’t know what or how, but you’ve just ruined it.The bruises never appeared because of something good that you’ve done,trust me,I’m not stupid.I don’t mean to belabour the obvious,but why did you always put your head so far up your ass? When are you gonna learn, Bob,when?”she continued, “Dear,you are thirty one years old,is this what you’ve been expecting in your life?Continue doing stupid things,under estimating yourself, patronising your life?Is that all you’ve been searching,is that all you want to achieve? C’mon,Bob,you were better back then,how can you turn out to be like this? A man who loves himself so much,a man who thinks before doing anything,but look at you, just look at you now.Back then,you made me so proud of you,the way you think,the way you behave, the way you taking care of things,but again,look at you now.If only Amirul was here, what would he be thinking?He will for sure cry before you and ask you what happened,and just how will you answer him?Just by saying this was all your mistake and got nothing to do with him?You have a son,damn it,you have a kid who needs you so much,who loves you so much, who looks up on you.Is this because of those stupid girlfriends of yours,huh,isn’t it?What did I tell you Bob,what did I tell you?I told you,those girls just look you as their goldmines.They just want your money,not your love,not your kindness,hell,by any chance,they just want you in those happy hours only.You don’t realised that,do you?” “Linda..”
“No,I’m not finished yet.” “Stop it...!It’s not because of them,they have got nothing to do with it.Well,ok,I admit,it was stupid,but,please,could we just drop it for a while?” I tried to end her preaches. “No,I won’t drop it,I’m not letting it go,you just have to listen to me.Now we’re stuck in the traffic,so you’ve got no chance in hell to avoid it.”She continued in high pitch and I just stunned. “I don’t wanna know anything about your love life,whom you have sex with or who you’re seeing now,but remember one thing,becareful what you wish for Bob,it might hurt you again.I know how mess up you would be if you’re disappointed,I still remember when you broke up with Shee,or should I say,when she ditched you,you looked like you’re in hell,not to mention our seperation.I know you very well,Bob,I know things about you that even your mother doesn’t know.”My mouth still zipped.I didn’t intend to say anything,I was just hoping she’d shut the hell up.“Look,where are they now?Why don’t you call them and ask them to help you now? Why must you call me?If you say that they’ve got nothing to do with it,so ask them for help.If they really love you,they’ll help you.Let them see and know what had happened to you. This is the time if you want to know them better,which side are they,they love you or they love you not, or they’re just being with you because of what you possesed.Bob,as far as I’m concern, I’m the only one who you could trust and it’s proven.Don’t you deny it.I’m always there when you need my help,and yes of course,you’re there too when I need you.But,that’s not the case now,what I was trying to say is,you have to realised things,everything.Be the man you used to be,be the man I used to know.” “Linda,I’m sorry,I know,I wasn’t suppose to be like this,but just to clear the air,just let me handle this myself,and again thanks for reminding me.”. “So,what happened,actually?Why were those jerks doing this to you?”,she asked me as she was really insisted to know. “I’ve lost in gambling,twenty five large.So,I loaned money from them to pay my debts to the gambling center,but I couldn’t repay them back.I postponed day by day,and it pissed them off.Then,this morning,they just can’t stand it anymore,I guess,so,that’s it.I wasn’t running away,and I wasn’t going to,I thought maybe I could ask them for more time,but,they seemed like they have had it with me.So,along came these bruises and swells.”I explained at last. “Damn it,Bob,damn it.You just don’t know when to quit,do you?You still gamble,huh,just what the hell are you thinking? You have everything,Bob,everything,money,good job,pretty much everything others just can dream of having.Just where the living hell has your money gone? Why don’t you just pay those rascals? Don’t tell me 25k is fat enough for you to pay back!!” “No,right now,to be frank,I don’t have it,and yes,it’s pretty fat for me.Last week,I didn’t win either,I lost almost hundred grand. Then,I’ve got some complications with my account,I can’t clear my cheques,till today,that cheques still floated.And then,my O.D. still unapproved.I don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but just let me handle it ok,just let me take care of it.I won’t involve you or drag you into this mess, you have done enough for me over the years,so I won’t ask for it anymore.I don’t want Vincent to get angry with it.He is a good man,I’ll feel bad if I drag you into this mess.I’ll figure out the way to settle this,ok,trust me,I know what I’m doing.I know the stakes.Ok,I’ll make some phone calls.I’ll manage the way to solve the problems,ok.Just drive me back to the office,and I’ll start from there.” I explained to her pretty much every single thing,I guess. “So,that’s it,huh?I don’t know what else to say,Bob,just don’t do those stupid things anymore,please,you have a son, damn it,you’re damn well old enough too to be doing it.Of course,you won’t drag me into this and Vincent as well,but,what should I tell him?”She asked me. “Just keep it to yourself, and if he insist to know,tell him to ask me himself,ok.”I replied.We came out from the traffic at about 4 after almost two hours we’ve been caught in it.There was no single word came out from Belinda,and so was I.We kept our mouth shut,as we passed along the main road heading to our office.Then,her cell rang, “I’m driving my back to the office from picking up Bob.I don’t know, you ask him yourself.Where are you dear?...Ok,see you.”I knew that was Vincent,her boyfriend. Suddenly,something came across as I was looking outside to the street.I’ve got to be... disappear!!!
to be continued.....
3:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“What the.....How could this happened to you?” Belinda asked me in shock when she picked me up at The Parade. “Who did this to you?Why?”,she continued as I got into the car.I didn’t answer her as I was still baring the pain.“Bob,you hear me or not?I’m asking you a question,damn it.”She kept asking as she noticed I wasn’t responding. “Please,just drive the car, I’ll tell you later,ok.”I replied in a deep voice. “Dear,look,I don’t know what the hell has just happened to you and how could it be happened,but what I want you to do is,stop doing stupid things,ok,just stop,alright.You’ve been doing crazy stuffs,put yourself in mess,taking risks,hell,I don’t know how to put it,but,just look at you.Is this what you’ve been looking for? C’mon dear, you’re a lot better than this.I know you are.We used to be together back then,so don’t tell me I don’t know you.What should I tell Amirul if he knew about this?Damn it!!”She expressed. “Ok,I’m sorry,but this doesn’t have anything to do with you,or Amirul,this is just about me and those jerks.And thanks for coming over.”I replied. “Is that all you could say?Is that an explaination?What kind of explaination was that?So,that’s all,huh?” “It’s not like that,as I said,I’ll explain to you later,ok,please,just drive.I can’t stand the pain anymore,I need to wash this blood in my nose,ok.” “Fair enough, suit yourself.” She responded synicaly.The road was quite congested as we enter the downtown area.I was still trying to rub the blood off of my nose and the swells were still aching.The traffic became worse.I was thinking about the incident that has just happened when she suddenly yelled, “Stupid idiot! Don’t you know how to drive better?”I was shocked with that. “C’mon,just be patient,ok.You don’t have to rush.You know the traffic is always like this at this time,don’t you?”I tried to calm her down even I knew she did that because there was something in her mind she wanted to say, and it had something connected to me. “Don’t tell me what to do,even you yourself don’t know what the hell you are doing.”There it was.I knew it because she used to be my wife three years ago. “Ok, stop moaning alright.I know this is my fault.I know this is my mistake.So,please,could you just drop it for a while and just focus on the road?I told you right,I’ll explain to you later in the office.Blame me all you want,but,please,just drop it for a while.”I replied,still in a deep tone as my jaw can’t really moved well. “Same old,same old.You are always like this,of course that was your mistake,no doubt,but you’ve never learn.You never learn the fact that you got to change to be a better man,or at least,not being stupid by doing stupid things.I can see it from the bruises, the swellings,the blood in your nose, you have just ruined your life again.I don’t know what or how, but you’ve just ruined it.The bruises never appeared because of something good that you’ve done,trust me,I’m not stupid.I don’t mean to belabour the obvious,but why did you always put your head so far up your ass? When are you gonna learn, Bob,when?”she continued, “Dear,you are thirty one years old,is this what you’ve been expecting in your life?Continue doing stupid things,under estimating yourself, patronising your life?Is that all you’ve been searching,is that all you want to achieve? C’mon,Bob,you were better back then,how can you turn out to be like this? A man who loves himself so much,a man who thinks before doing anything,but look at you, just look at you now.Back then,you made me so proud of you,the way you think,the way you behave, the way you taking care of things,but again,look at you now.If only Amirul was here, what would he be thinking?He will for sure cry before you and ask you what happened,and just how will you answer him?Just by saying this was all your mistake and got nothing to do with him?You have a son,damn it,you have a kid who needs you so much,who loves you so much, who looks up on you.Is this because of those stupid girlfriends of yours,huh,isn’t it?What did I tell you Bob,what did I tell you?I told you,those girls just look you as their goldmines.They just want your money,not your love,not your kindness,hell,by any chance,they just want you in those happy hours only.You don’t realised that,do you?” “Linda..”
“No,I’m not finished yet.” “Stop it...!It’s not because of them,they have got nothing to do with it.Well,ok,I admit,it was stupid,but,please,could we just drop it for a while?” I tried to end her preaches. “No,I won’t drop it,I’m not letting it go,you just have to listen to me.Now we’re stuck in the traffic,so you’ve got no chance in hell to avoid it.”She continued in high pitch and I just stunned. “I don’t wanna know anything about your love life,whom you have sex with or who you’re seeing now,but remember one thing,becareful what you wish for Bob,it might hurt you again.I know how mess up you would be if you’re disappointed,I still remember when you broke up with Shee,or should I say,when she ditched you,you looked like you’re in hell,not to mention our seperation.I know you very well,Bob,I know things about you that even your mother doesn’t know.”My mouth still zipped.I didn’t intend to say anything,I was just hoping she’d shut the hell up.“Look,where are they now?Why don’t you call them and ask them to help you now? Why must you call me?If you say that they’ve got nothing to do with it,so ask them for help.If they really love you,they’ll help you.Let them see and know what had happened to you. This is the time if you want to know them better,which side are they,they love you or they love you not, or they’re just being with you because of what you possesed.Bob,as far as I’m concern, I’m the only one who you could trust and it’s proven.Don’t you deny it.I’m always there when you need my help,and yes of course,you’re there too when I need you.But,that’s not the case now,what I was trying to say is,you have to realised things,everything.Be the man you used to be,be the man I used to know.” “Linda,I’m sorry,I know,I wasn’t suppose to be like this,but just to clear the air,just let me handle this myself,and again thanks for reminding me.”. “So,what happened,actually?Why were those jerks doing this to you?”,she asked me as she was really insisted to know. “I’ve lost in gambling,twenty five large.So,I loaned money from them to pay my debts to the gambling center,but I couldn’t repay them back.I postponed day by day,and it pissed them off.Then,this morning,they just can’t stand it anymore,I guess,so,that’s it.I wasn’t running away,and I wasn’t going to,I thought maybe I could ask them for more time,but,they seemed like they have had it with me.So,along came these bruises and swells.”I explained at last. “Damn it,Bob,damn it.You just don’t know when to quit,do you?You still gamble,huh,just what the hell are you thinking? You have everything,Bob,everything,money,good job,pretty much everything others just can dream of having.Just where the living hell has your money gone? Why don’t you just pay those rascals? Don’t tell me 25k is fat enough for you to pay back!!” “No,right now,to be frank,I don’t have it,and yes,it’s pretty fat for me.Last week,I didn’t win either,I lost almost hundred grand. Then,I’ve got some complications with my account,I can’t clear my cheques,till today,that cheques still floated.And then,my O.D. still unapproved.I don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but just let me handle it ok,just let me take care of it.I won’t involve you or drag you into this mess, you have done enough for me over the years,so I won’t ask for it anymore.I don’t want Vincent to get angry with it.He is a good man,I’ll feel bad if I drag you into this mess.I’ll figure out the way to settle this,ok,trust me,I know what I’m doing.I know the stakes.Ok,I’ll make some phone calls.I’ll manage the way to solve the problems,ok.Just drive me back to the office,and I’ll start from there.” I explained to her pretty much every single thing,I guess. “So,that’s it,huh?I don’t know what else to say,Bob,just don’t do those stupid things anymore,please,you have a son, damn it,you’re damn well old enough too to be doing it.Of course,you won’t drag me into this and Vincent as well,but,what should I tell him?”She asked me. “Just keep it to yourself, and if he insist to know,tell him to ask me himself,ok.”I replied.We came out from the traffic at about 4 after almost two hours we’ve been caught in it.There was no single word came out from Belinda,and so was I.We kept our mouth shut,as we passed along the main road heading to our office.Then,her cell rang, “I’m driving my back to the office from picking up Bob.I don’t know, you ask him yourself.Where are you dear?...Ok,see you.”I knew that was Vincent,her boyfriend. Suddenly,something came across as I was looking outside to the street.I’ve got to be... disappear!!!
to be continued.....
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 3
Friday,July 23,2004
12:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“Oh shit..”It was so painful and my nose bled out.My handky was covered with my blood.Those bastards were still in front of me,they seemed not letting me go.“Son a bitch,are you trying to fool us around?You said you have the money with you,so, where the hell is it?You have to pay us now,you stupid asshole!”Buk...he hit me again with his knuckle.My left cheek swelled. Then,I felt the pain in my back as one of the twerp kicked me at my waist. “You want to die,pig? Where’s our money?You pay now or you die!!”The big guy whom I assumed the boss yelled at me.The guy with a firy dragon tattooed on his right arm. “I still don’t have the money with me right now,but this evening,by 6,I’ll pay you,I promise.I wasn’t playing you around,I’m sorry.This evening,I promise,I won’t screw you up anymore.”I told him as I was baring the pain.It was pretty messed up the way I looked. Swell all over my left side of my face and my forehead and black left eye,with my nose kept on bleeding, my chin was bruised.My shirt has my bloodstain on it.Also, there was blood on my right ear.My backhead was swelling too. Hell,it was so painful. “Do you think we’re some idiots you can mess with?We’re not stupid.Just who the fuck do you think you are,huh,the big mob?You don’t have any idea who you’re messing with, jackass!” The tattooed giant continued yelling at me. “No,just listen to me,I...I promise you,this time it’s for real,I’ll pay your money back,just please,give me time until this evening,I’m sure of it.I’ll get the money ready and I’ll pay every single cent of it.You have my word.Please,I just can’t stand this pain anymore.If you just give me time,I’ll keep my promise, or else...” “Or else,what?You want to fuck us up again?” “No,if I didn’t,just do whatever it is you wanna do to me, ok.”“You listen to me scumbag,I’ll give u until 6 o’clock,go and find the money,but if you don’t, we’ll bring hell to you,got that??” The big guy strangled my neck and leaned me against the wall. “Ok,I got it. Please,I really can’t stand it anymore,it’s so painful.I promise I’ll bring you the money.Just let me go.”I wasn’t begging him actually,I just can’t stand the pain. I wasn’t afraid of them too,it was just I don’t think I could fought them back as there were three of them,and it was my fault, I’d screwed them up at the first place.So,I just let them do whatever they want to do when they started beating me. “You go back on your own, bastard. But remember, no fuck ups,bring the money by 6 or you know what would happened to you!!”The big guy warned me.I nodded.I sat on a bench while those thugs left with their cars.After a while,I tried to get up. “I should get the hell away from here.I have to find a way to solve this matter.I should find some body who can help me.But who?Shit,I’m so ashamed of myself.How should I face those people who knew me,my friends and my families if they figure out ‘bout this?What should I tell them?God,I’m so helpless and feel useless.” I whispered to myself.I can’t think clearly at that moment,just need to figure out something.I started walking along the side of the main road hoping no one would noticed me.Damn,my sight was quite blurry,I couldn’t see clearly.My head and my body was aching as I walked slowly along the pavement.I covered my bruised-left-face with my handkerchief despite my nose was still bleeding.Hell, how could this came to happened,I should have known better.I should have noticed this was how it would be ended.I was taking myself into risk when I started dealing with those people.I went to search for a phone booth because those jerks had took my celly away.And they also took all my money inside my wallet,but luckily, I still got few penny left.It was about 2 o’clock when I reached The Parade.There were a lot of people there and I was hoping nobody noticed me,or at least recognised me.I reached for a phone booth and started dialing. “Linda, could you please pick me up now,I’m at the Parade.I’ll wait for you at the entrance. Please hurry up,I’ll explain to you later.”
to be continued.....
12:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“Oh shit..”It was so painful and my nose bled out.My handky was covered with my blood.Those bastards were still in front of me,they seemed not letting me go.“Son a bitch,are you trying to fool us around?You said you have the money with you,so, where the hell is it?You have to pay us now,you stupid asshole!”Buk...he hit me again with his knuckle.My left cheek swelled. Then,I felt the pain in my back as one of the twerp kicked me at my waist. “You want to die,pig? Where’s our money?You pay now or you die!!”The big guy whom I assumed the boss yelled at me.The guy with a firy dragon tattooed on his right arm. “I still don’t have the money with me right now,but this evening,by 6,I’ll pay you,I promise.I wasn’t playing you around,I’m sorry.This evening,I promise,I won’t screw you up anymore.”I told him as I was baring the pain.It was pretty messed up the way I looked. Swell all over my left side of my face and my forehead and black left eye,with my nose kept on bleeding, my chin was bruised.My shirt has my bloodstain on it.Also, there was blood on my right ear.My backhead was swelling too. Hell,it was so painful. “Do you think we’re some idiots you can mess with?We’re not stupid.Just who the fuck do you think you are,huh,the big mob?You don’t have any idea who you’re messing with, jackass!” The tattooed giant continued yelling at me. “No,just listen to me,I...I promise you,this time it’s for real,I’ll pay your money back,just please,give me time until this evening,I’m sure of it.I’ll get the money ready and I’ll pay every single cent of it.You have my word.Please,I just can’t stand this pain anymore.If you just give me time,I’ll keep my promise, or else...” “Or else,what?You want to fuck us up again?” “No,if I didn’t,just do whatever it is you wanna do to me, ok.”“You listen to me scumbag,I’ll give u until 6 o’clock,go and find the money,but if you don’t, we’ll bring hell to you,got that??” The big guy strangled my neck and leaned me against the wall. “Ok,I got it. Please,I really can’t stand it anymore,it’s so painful.I promise I’ll bring you the money.Just let me go.”I wasn’t begging him actually,I just can’t stand the pain. I wasn’t afraid of them too,it was just I don’t think I could fought them back as there were three of them,and it was my fault, I’d screwed them up at the first place.So,I just let them do whatever they want to do when they started beating me. “You go back on your own, bastard. But remember, no fuck ups,bring the money by 6 or you know what would happened to you!!”The big guy warned me.I nodded.I sat on a bench while those thugs left with their cars.After a while,I tried to get up. “I should get the hell away from here.I have to find a way to solve this matter.I should find some body who can help me.But who?Shit,I’m so ashamed of myself.How should I face those people who knew me,my friends and my families if they figure out ‘bout this?What should I tell them?God,I’m so helpless and feel useless.” I whispered to myself.I can’t think clearly at that moment,just need to figure out something.I started walking along the side of the main road hoping no one would noticed me.Damn,my sight was quite blurry,I couldn’t see clearly.My head and my body was aching as I walked slowly along the pavement.I covered my bruised-left-face with my handkerchief despite my nose was still bleeding.Hell, how could this came to happened,I should have known better.I should have noticed this was how it would be ended.I was taking myself into risk when I started dealing with those people.I went to search for a phone booth because those jerks had took my celly away.And they also took all my money inside my wallet,but luckily, I still got few penny left.It was about 2 o’clock when I reached The Parade.There were a lot of people there and I was hoping nobody noticed me,or at least recognised me.I reached for a phone booth and started dialing. “Linda, could you please pick me up now,I’m at the Parade.I’ll wait for you at the entrance. Please hurry up,I’ll explain to you later.”
to be continued.....
Sunday, March 7, 2010
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 3
Tuesday,August 31,2004
10:30 p.m.
Hometown
Happy National Day,my dear country.47 years of freedom,47 years of independence.Free from everything and free to do everything.It was quite cloudy like it was going to rain.I woke up after a good night sleep and called upon Aunt Anne. “We’re suppose to have our breakfast with momma,right?” “Yup,but I see you sleep so tight,so I don’t want to wake you up.What time you got into bed last night?Stay up,huh?” “Around 3,I guess.Let me take my bath first,then we go.”I told Aunt Anne as I stepped into the bathroom. “Ok.”
“I have to go back tomorrow,mom.Zary needs me there,got to handle few things.”I told my mom during our breakfast. “So when are you coming back again?”She asked me while sipping her iced tea. “Don’t know,mom,during Eve,I guess.”Short and instant. “How about Amirul? You haven’t seen him recently,I assumed.”I was stucked with that question.Yeahh,it has been quite sometime since I last seeing my son.Ever since that incident,I didn’t meet him,we don’t talked to each other even on the phone.I knew he was so angry with me,I knew he was so mad with me.I knew it was all my fault,so I didn’t want to exaggerate anything. “I really miss him so much,quite frankly,but maybe I’ll see him another time,not now.”Is that a good answer?Is that a good thought from a father to his only child?Mom looked at me and say, “My dear,what ever it is,don’t ever forget him,he’s your son.Don’t make him think bad things about you.He’s still a kid though. I know I haven’t been a good parent to you,but don’t do the same thing like I did.”I was so impressed with that,after almost two years we haven’t spoken to each other,my mom said something I’d never realised she would. “Mom,past is a past,I don’t want to think about it no more, it’s not your fault,it’s my fate.Let us not talk about it,ok.”I don’t want to blame her.I think I’d rather let it go.It was something I can’t change,even my mom or my dad.Dad? Damn, our last conversation before the incident wasn’t so pleasant and it became worst,we haven’t spoken ever since.Tough time for me though.Amirul,my dad,hell,how was I supposed to think?I lit up my cigarette,and put myself in silence.I kind of ran out of words.Aunt Anne seemed to understand my situation,and she changed the topic.
Friday,July 23,2004
12:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“Oh shit.....”
to be continued.....
10:30 p.m.
Hometown
Happy National Day,my dear country.47 years of freedom,47 years of independence.Free from everything and free to do everything.It was quite cloudy like it was going to rain.I woke up after a good night sleep and called upon Aunt Anne. “We’re suppose to have our breakfast with momma,right?” “Yup,but I see you sleep so tight,so I don’t want to wake you up.What time you got into bed last night?Stay up,huh?” “Around 3,I guess.Let me take my bath first,then we go.”I told Aunt Anne as I stepped into the bathroom. “Ok.”
“I have to go back tomorrow,mom.Zary needs me there,got to handle few things.”I told my mom during our breakfast. “So when are you coming back again?”She asked me while sipping her iced tea. “Don’t know,mom,during Eve,I guess.”Short and instant. “How about Amirul? You haven’t seen him recently,I assumed.”I was stucked with that question.Yeahh,it has been quite sometime since I last seeing my son.Ever since that incident,I didn’t meet him,we don’t talked to each other even on the phone.I knew he was so angry with me,I knew he was so mad with me.I knew it was all my fault,so I didn’t want to exaggerate anything. “I really miss him so much,quite frankly,but maybe I’ll see him another time,not now.”Is that a good answer?Is that a good thought from a father to his only child?Mom looked at me and say, “My dear,what ever it is,don’t ever forget him,he’s your son.Don’t make him think bad things about you.He’s still a kid though. I know I haven’t been a good parent to you,but don’t do the same thing like I did.”I was so impressed with that,after almost two years we haven’t spoken to each other,my mom said something I’d never realised she would. “Mom,past is a past,I don’t want to think about it no more, it’s not your fault,it’s my fate.Let us not talk about it,ok.”I don’t want to blame her.I think I’d rather let it go.It was something I can’t change,even my mom or my dad.Dad? Damn, our last conversation before the incident wasn’t so pleasant and it became worst,we haven’t spoken ever since.Tough time for me though.Amirul,my dad,hell,how was I supposed to think?I lit up my cigarette,and put myself in silence.I kind of ran out of words.Aunt Anne seemed to understand my situation,and she changed the topic.
Friday,July 23,2004
12:00 p.m.
The Tragedy
“Oh shit.....”
to be continued.....
the man who lost...chapter 1 page 2
Saturday,August 28,2004
21:45 p.m.
Hometown
“So,how’s your trip?”Aunt Anne asked me as I put my bagpack in my room. “Ok but a lil’bit tiring.I didn’t get the ticket at the beginning actually,all tickets had been sold out. But luckily there are few seats left because some passengers didn’t turn up,so here I am.”I lit up a cigarette and went to the living room where Aunt Anne’s friend,Sis Zalila was watching tv. “What’s up,how’s life in KL?How’s work?How’s everything?”She sounded quite interested. “Everything is just fine,I feel great.I’m suppose to start working with my former company at Subang this comin’ 15th,so I just came back here for a while.Maybe by next week,I should be going back to KL,Zary needs me there.There are few things to be carried out,you know some paperworks,all this office matters, because he’s starting a new business now...chemical products for industrial waste, actually.I’m part of it. So,there are still a lot of things for me to learn about .He needs me to plan the marketing strategy for him.Emm...just see about it.”I replied. “So,when are you goin’ back?What day next week?”Aunt Anne came to the living room with a tray of a pot of coffee and three mugs. “Not sure yet,maybe Wednesday,Thursday,but it’s gonna be next week.”I told her as I poured the espresso into the mug.The aroma was so fine and exceptional.I took a sip,then it led to another. “Have you eaten?”Aunt Anne asked me while she was gonna take her sip her. “Yup,at the bazaar when I arrived just now.I met some of my friends there also,Adam, Razz and Young.They asked me where have I been...”I continued sipping my drinks and watched tv. “So,how are you and Effa?”Damn!
21:45 p.m.
Hometown
“So,how’s your trip?”Aunt Anne asked me as I put my bagpack in my room. “Ok but a lil’bit tiring.I didn’t get the ticket at the beginning actually,all tickets had been sold out. But luckily there are few seats left because some passengers didn’t turn up,so here I am.”I lit up a cigarette and went to the living room where Aunt Anne’s friend,Sis Zalila was watching tv. “What’s up,how’s life in KL?How’s work?How’s everything?”She sounded quite interested. “Everything is just fine,I feel great.I’m suppose to start working with my former company at Subang this comin’ 15th,so I just came back here for a while.Maybe by next week,I should be going back to KL,Zary needs me there.There are few things to be carried out,you know some paperworks,all this office matters, because he’s starting a new business now...chemical products for industrial waste, actually.I’m part of it. So,there are still a lot of things for me to learn about .He needs me to plan the marketing strategy for him.Emm...just see about it.”I replied. “So,when are you goin’ back?What day next week?”Aunt Anne came to the living room with a tray of a pot of coffee and three mugs. “Not sure yet,maybe Wednesday,Thursday,but it’s gonna be next week.”I told her as I poured the espresso into the mug.The aroma was so fine and exceptional.I took a sip,then it led to another. “Have you eaten?”Aunt Anne asked me while she was gonna take her sip her. “Yup,at the bazaar when I arrived just now.I met some of my friends there also,Adam, Razz and Young.They asked me where have I been...”I continued sipping my drinks and watched tv. “So,how are you and Effa?”Damn!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
the man who lost....chapter 1
Thursday,August 26,2004
9:00a.m.
Zary’s Resident
I just had my shower,when my brother,Zary,reached home.He asked about my plans I was about to carry out that day. “Nothing much,just to make some phone calls to set appointments or maybe doing some research thru the net,that’s all.”I replied.I went straight to my room to get dressed as he went downstairs after he heard his cell beeping.I was in front of the mirror when he approached me and said, “Bro,you’re a free man.” “What?”I summoned. “ You’ve just been freed by Effa!”,he replied. “She called you?”I asked.“Naahh...she sent you a message thru my cell,downstairs,my cell`s there.”,he answered and I said, “Oh really?Did she know what she’s doing?The message still there in your cell,bro?” “Yup!”,he replied and I went down.
“Bob,I’m sorry to say this but I think I don’t want to go on with our relationship.I didn’t mean to play or fool you around,I just think that we should call it off.I’m in The Northern now and maybe I’ll be staying here,working and make a living here.So please,stop searching for me.I’m sorry again...” “So be it,if that’s what you want..”,I whispered.And so,she dumped me,whatever.I ran back to my room and there Zary was,before me and asked,“So?” “Whatever...”.I answered,then he went into the bathroom and took his shower.I looked in the mirror,and started asking myself why and how could it come to happened.Was it my fault?I wasn’t good enough?I didn’t spend good times with her?Was it because of my behavior over the past few weeks before that when I was facing some stupid complications back in my hometown?Or maybe she doesn’t had any feelings for me at all,by all means,right from the beginning and all those times she was pretending?We talked over the cell everyday,we chatted, we shared our stories,we met and spent times together,we shared great romantic moments.Where was it that appeared to be the problem then?I stopped asking myself those questions and continue getting dressed.Then,I went down stairs and stepped out from the house,I pull out a stick of cigarette and lit it up.A puff to another and that thought came across again. “Damn it...”I whispered in a deep tone. “Do I have to face this? Should I put myself in this kind of situation again?Why does it always happened to me?”I moaned. But I stopped babbling to myself as Zary stepped out from the house and ready to go. “How are you holding up,bro?”He asked me and I said, “Fine,I’m ok.I can live with it.I knew this was goin’ to happened.I kinda feel it,but I just don’t think it’ll be happening in the time like this,you know, this fast,this easy.But hell,I can live with it, one way or another,I still have to accept it,and I still have to face it.”I started the car.The air condition inside the car was good,but still my heart was in fire although I was trying hard to calm it down.The message from Effa was still there wandering in my mind,it’s just like a wake up call for me,a wake up call that really woke me up from my dreams.Dreams? Yup, dreams.But there it was,the dreams seems to fade away as times passed by.I strolled the road to my office as along the way,the road were as usual, busy.We reached our office at about 20 minutes after ten.The office has already opened by one of our staff.I put my briefcase in my office and then walked to the cafe nearby to have my breakfast. “Bob,are you going to have your breakfast?” Shaffe,our production exec,asked me. “Yup,come along,ask Zary to join us..”I replied. We walked along the pavement to the joint as my brother followed from behind.I thought about having heavy breakfast,but I changed my plan,a glass of iced nescafe would be enough.And that was all I had that morning,A glass of my favourite drinks and my cigarettes. “Just that bro?You don’t want to eat anything? What,losing your appetite already?”Zary asked me. “Not really,I just don’t feel like eating, maybe later.”I replied and continue puffing my stick.I read the newspaper but it seems like I wasn’t getting any of it,the news,the advertisements,like it was nothing in there. “Damn,here it comes again...”I moaned. “What`s up man?”Shaffe heard me when I moaned. “Oh, nothing bro,I’m just moaning to myself.”I overruled. “Hey,Zary,what’s up with him? With the looks like that,anything wrong?”I looked at him then to Zary as he replied,“Heartbreaks..!” “Huh...break-ups?Which one?Which one?”Shaffe turned back to me. “.....” “When?”Shaffe gave an interested glance through his questions. “She texted me this morning.She’s calling it off,so officially,we’re done.That’s it.”I told Shaffe as I took a sip of my drinks. “So,you really don’t have your appetite today,huh?So,what about the others?You still have another two or three left,haven’t you?”Shaffe started to seemed interrogating me.“Ok,look,no offence but,I don’t want to talk about it right now.I’m ok,I’m fine.It’s just a small matter.Yeah I’m sad,but it will never affect anything.I still have the others,ok guys.”Full stop.It wasn’t like I got carried away with what has happened,it’s just that I don’t know what to think.I have to admit, I was sad. Sad enough to make me feel less good about myself that day.
...to be continued...
9:00a.m.
Zary’s Resident
I just had my shower,when my brother,Zary,reached home.He asked about my plans I was about to carry out that day. “Nothing much,just to make some phone calls to set appointments or maybe doing some research thru the net,that’s all.”I replied.I went straight to my room to get dressed as he went downstairs after he heard his cell beeping.I was in front of the mirror when he approached me and said, “Bro,you’re a free man.” “What?”I summoned. “ You’ve just been freed by Effa!”,he replied. “She called you?”I asked.“Naahh...she sent you a message thru my cell,downstairs,my cell`s there.”,he answered and I said, “Oh really?Did she know what she’s doing?The message still there in your cell,bro?” “Yup!”,he replied and I went down.
“Bob,I’m sorry to say this but I think I don’t want to go on with our relationship.I didn’t mean to play or fool you around,I just think that we should call it off.I’m in The Northern now and maybe I’ll be staying here,working and make a living here.So please,stop searching for me.I’m sorry again...” “So be it,if that’s what you want..”,I whispered.And so,she dumped me,whatever.I ran back to my room and there Zary was,before me and asked,“So?” “Whatever...”.I answered,then he went into the bathroom and took his shower.I looked in the mirror,and started asking myself why and how could it come to happened.Was it my fault?I wasn’t good enough?I didn’t spend good times with her?Was it because of my behavior over the past few weeks before that when I was facing some stupid complications back in my hometown?Or maybe she doesn’t had any feelings for me at all,by all means,right from the beginning and all those times she was pretending?We talked over the cell everyday,we chatted, we shared our stories,we met and spent times together,we shared great romantic moments.Where was it that appeared to be the problem then?I stopped asking myself those questions and continue getting dressed.Then,I went down stairs and stepped out from the house,I pull out a stick of cigarette and lit it up.A puff to another and that thought came across again. “Damn it...”I whispered in a deep tone. “Do I have to face this? Should I put myself in this kind of situation again?Why does it always happened to me?”I moaned. But I stopped babbling to myself as Zary stepped out from the house and ready to go. “How are you holding up,bro?”He asked me and I said, “Fine,I’m ok.I can live with it.I knew this was goin’ to happened.I kinda feel it,but I just don’t think it’ll be happening in the time like this,you know, this fast,this easy.But hell,I can live with it, one way or another,I still have to accept it,and I still have to face it.”I started the car.The air condition inside the car was good,but still my heart was in fire although I was trying hard to calm it down.The message from Effa was still there wandering in my mind,it’s just like a wake up call for me,a wake up call that really woke me up from my dreams.Dreams? Yup, dreams.But there it was,the dreams seems to fade away as times passed by.I strolled the road to my office as along the way,the road were as usual, busy.We reached our office at about 20 minutes after ten.The office has already opened by one of our staff.I put my briefcase in my office and then walked to the cafe nearby to have my breakfast. “Bob,are you going to have your breakfast?” Shaffe,our production exec,asked me. “Yup,come along,ask Zary to join us..”I replied. We walked along the pavement to the joint as my brother followed from behind.I thought about having heavy breakfast,but I changed my plan,a glass of iced nescafe would be enough.And that was all I had that morning,A glass of my favourite drinks and my cigarettes. “Just that bro?You don’t want to eat anything? What,losing your appetite already?”Zary asked me. “Not really,I just don’t feel like eating, maybe later.”I replied and continue puffing my stick.I read the newspaper but it seems like I wasn’t getting any of it,the news,the advertisements,like it was nothing in there. “Damn,here it comes again...”I moaned. “What`s up man?”Shaffe heard me when I moaned. “Oh, nothing bro,I’m just moaning to myself.”I overruled. “Hey,Zary,what’s up with him? With the looks like that,anything wrong?”I looked at him then to Zary as he replied,“Heartbreaks..!” “Huh...break-ups?Which one?Which one?”Shaffe turned back to me. “.....” “When?”Shaffe gave an interested glance through his questions. “She texted me this morning.She’s calling it off,so officially,we’re done.That’s it.”I told Shaffe as I took a sip of my drinks. “So,you really don’t have your appetite today,huh?So,what about the others?You still have another two or three left,haven’t you?”Shaffe started to seemed interrogating me.“Ok,look,no offence but,I don’t want to talk about it right now.I’m ok,I’m fine.It’s just a small matter.Yeah I’m sad,but it will never affect anything.I still have the others,ok guys.”Full stop.It wasn’t like I got carried away with what has happened,it’s just that I don’t know what to think.I have to admit, I was sad. Sad enough to make me feel less good about myself that day.
...to be continued...
Monday, February 22, 2010
just a thought...
..there were times when people came to me and asked me what I think about life,how I lived through the devastation it caused me most of the time.Well,I guess I just have to be strong though.I mean,not just strong to facing it but strong enough to live with it.And for me,it is typical.Typical because if you planting bad seeds,all you going to get is bad fruit.If you do bad deeds,well...what goes around,comes around.We just have to figure it out,learn about it,teach ourselves a lesson, keep on reminding ourselves how much pain we can bring to ourselves and entirely to our lives because of that,and the worst part is,we could end up dying,dying inside out if you know what I mean.I’d battled constantly,each and every single day,fighting ,striving, struggling,making the right choices,making the right moves,not to mention repenting and remorsing those stupid things I’ve done and gone through all my life.Would that be enough?Of course,they don’t.You have to go extra miles in order to get things done,in order to get things come to your way,in order to get things right.Don’t do it some of the time but all the time.It’s ok to make mistakes,it’s the best way to learn to be better.But in my case,I made mistakes all the time. It’s not that I didn’t learn from it,but I just can’t get the real answer,and I am still searching. Searching for the right answer,I suppose.Searching until there’s nothing left for me to further on.
I figure out something though,through out this life I’ve been living.Anything you do,whatever it is the situation,be it as a man or a woman,as a human being,you just can’t stop searching. Searching the way to be good in anything,searching the right way to be better every day,searching the best step for the next best step to take,searching and keep on searching.That’s what I was doing all these time and still am.Even people didn’t see anything good from it, especially those who had been with me.“Bob,you just don’t seem to make things right,all you do was creating messes.”I’d always hear that word.But there I was and here I am,still standing with all I’ve got.Then,another thing is to trust.Although trust doesn’t come that easy to me,but there are times you just need to trust someone and thus, you should start with someone....
I figure out something though,through out this life I’ve been living.Anything you do,whatever it is the situation,be it as a man or a woman,as a human being,you just can’t stop searching. Searching the way to be good in anything,searching the right way to be better every day,searching the best step for the next best step to take,searching and keep on searching.That’s what I was doing all these time and still am.Even people didn’t see anything good from it, especially those who had been with me.“Bob,you just don’t seem to make things right,all you do was creating messes.”I’d always hear that word.But there I was and here I am,still standing with all I’ve got.Then,another thing is to trust.Although trust doesn’t come that easy to me,but there are times you just need to trust someone and thus, you should start with someone....
Friday, February 19, 2010
money matters...
it has been 19 days since we got up in the morning of 1st february...and it's been 50 days we're in 2010...any differents with ur life so far...?any good progresses?any good moments?i started my january with a project with a friend of mine,kabir bahtia,a good movie director...a story about the sandakan death march during the japanese invasion in sabah during the ww2 in 1943...it was a good story tho,a damn good one...the sets were amazing,the props were so interestingyet so challenging during getting it prepared...but unfortunately,for me,i couldnt finish the job...well,i got some major resentments with my preparations day in day out...felt like i couldnt deliver my work day by day,i couldnt perform well in my tasks...so i pulled out...but i pulled out in a civilized way,not just walk away like that without telling anyone...i got myself a replacement,i handed over the tasks thoroughly....but still,it was a great experience.one of the best project i did so far...so coming in future is 2 films...but not sure which one i will be involved...hopefully i could involve in both n finish it...ha ha...but i'll make sure i am well prepared this time around...see ya...
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