just something that came across my mind...

I’ve let myself to live in the life full of despairs,full of lies,full of stupidities,full of disgraces. Defeated by uncertainties,defeated by my delirious identity.It didn’t bring me anything good. People came in and went out of my life,though there were times some of them stay.I had done the best I could,I guess.Maybe the best I could just not enough.
“Good is not enough when better is expected.”Uncle Lipps told me that one day when we were playing golf together somewhere in the Country Homes. “Sometimes what you grab doesn’t stay in your hand unless you hold it tight.”I just smiled when he told me that.I tried to apply what he said and try to get the connection.I discovered a few things.The conclusion was,I’m just one hell of a stubborn guy.I was stubborn back then when I decided to marry Belinda,I was stubborn when I decided to call off our marriage,I was stubborn when I started my own construction business,I was stubborn with everything,my life,my decisions.Sometimes I just got carried away,I think.People just don’t see me the way they should.But I can’t blame them.I have my own priorities,and they themselves as well.I understand there are also times when I made a complete fool of myself.Make myself looked like a jack-ass.But there I was,not pretending anything,never was.I viewed my life in different kinds of perspectives,I looked it in every point of views.From each side.But people sometimes didn’t see me like that.Didn’t look at me like that.A friend of mine used to say this to me... “A real friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”And now I just don’t know who’s my friend,who’s my foe.The way I see it,my friend,there are among them,turn out to be my foe sometimes.I don’t like to put it like I don’t trust my friend or anybody besides me, it’s just I just can’t trust them even I tried to.I hope I can rely on them,but I never did try.The past really taught me something though even not everytime.I’ve learnt from my mistakes.I’d just have to re-start my odyssey,my journey,reaching out my goals,grabbing back my life.Do the things all these while I had ignored.I have to achieve something.I have to show who I am again.I have to prove it to everybody.Hell,I’ve got to get up.Wake up from my long sleep and start to walk again. Or I think I prefer to run.Run and never gonna look back.Just like what I read from Dr.Phil McGraw’s book... “re-write and challenge my personal truth and live the life that lets me be who I am and who I am to be”. I will teach others how to live with me,I will teach others how to be with me,how to work with me,how to get along with me.Show them how good I am as a person,how good I am as a friend,as a human being.And at the same time,continue correcting myself,keep on searching to what actually I have to do for myself that can give benefit to myself and to others as well.Arise and never again fall down.Hope for the best and prepared for the worst. “Being an adult is to be an adult.To be success is to be success.”Uncle Lipps told me that. “Of course you will find it hard,but no matter what obstacles life may bring,always remember,you can fly.”I smiled to myself when I remember that words.I’m still lucky.Still lucky that I still have ample time to re-consruct my destructions and the devastations I had created. Neither to myself nor to everybody.